I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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