You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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