if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
