I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
