I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
