I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
