Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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