Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just pee around me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
