i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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