There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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