I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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