what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
