Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
