you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
