Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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