Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
