the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
