I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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