alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
