I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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