I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
