i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
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When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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