I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
