Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sponge bath it is.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
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