just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
