3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
