i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
