She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
