Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize