Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
