I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
