I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
