What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
