no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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