i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I wish I only lived at night.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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