god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
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He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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