My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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