The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
