thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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