Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
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Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i think i just lost a toe
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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