Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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