the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
