Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
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I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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