at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
