it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
