the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
