guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
