need another drink. this is the easiest way
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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