At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
