omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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