Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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