Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
