There is too much vodka and too much dick.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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