So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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