i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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